Runaway train

eto naman ang narinig ko kanina papuntang banyo.

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn’t even sleep
So many secrets I couldn’t keep
Promised myself I wouldn’t weep
One more promise I couldn’t keep

It seems no one can help me now
I’m in too deep
There’s no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life’s mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin’ in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don’t believe it

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here no there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin’ at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin’ back
Runaway train tearin’ up the track
Runaway train burnin’ in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

———-

gusto ko maging runaway train, pero bago ‘yun, meron muna akong mga sasapakin.

eto ang kantang sumalubong sa umaga ko

mula nang mapadpad ako dito, nawalan ako ng choice sa napapakinggan kong mga kanta (dahil wala akong headphones. oo, hanggang ngayon. haha!).  ayus lang kasi may radyo naman dito sa opis namin (haha. nagbablog pa rin habang nasa opis), at kadalasan, sa English na station naman naka-tune (except kahapon.  tangina. gago tong katrabaho ko. pinagtripan ako.)

anyway, ‘di ako ginago ng opismate ko ngayon, so balik na sa English station yung radyo.  nga pala, limited ang playlist ng English songs ng istasyong pinapakinggan namin, pero ok naman minsan kasi di naman panay pop lang ang pineplay (except some days na gusto ko na lang mabingi dahil sa paulit-ulit na, “halo… halo… halo… heylooooowwwww!!!”  feeling ko pag nakita ko si Beyonce, tatapalan ko na ng packaging tape ang bibig nya).

eto ang kantang sumalubong sa umaga ko.

Greatest View
Silverchair

You’re the analyst
The fungus in my milk
When you want no one
And you got someone
Through the wind
You crawl
And laugh at burning dunes
When no one else will
Ever see

Now that you know why you feel like you do
They’re turning their head whilst they wait
For no one
And finally I know why you feel like letting go

I’m watching you watch
Over me and I’ve got
The greatest view from here
I’m watching you watch
Over me and I’ve got
The greatest view from here

Mistakes don’t mean a thing
If you don’t regret them
So pack your tactic toes for the winter
Chain a waterfall to burned and withered skin
No-one else will ever see

I’m watching you watch
Over me and I’ve got
The greatest view from here
I’m watching you watch
Over me and I’ve got
The greatest view from here

Now that you know why you feel like you do
They’re turning their head whilst they wait
For no one
And finally I know why I feel like you’re letting go

I’m watching you watch
Over me and I’ve got
The greatest view from here
I’m watching you watch
Over me and I’ve got
The greatest view from here
The greatest view from here
The greatest view

nakakakilig lang ang boses ni Daniel Johns.

kung di mo kilala si Daniel Johns, eto, pakilala ko sya sa’yo…

shet.

hahaha!

blenddddd… blendddd… blenddd….

for the past few weeks i’ve been imagining insects.

sa may Raffles Hotel nung Friday akala ko may ipis/moth sa ulo ko, so nagmukha akong timang nung bigla kong pinagpag nang nakayuko yung ulo ko tas wala naman.  tas napatayo ako after a few minutes kasi kala ko nasa paa ko na yung insekto, pero matapos magstomp-stomp, wala naman. crap.

nung Saturday night naman, parang may lamok sa paanan ko, sa ilalim ng kumot.  kinakamot ko na nga yung binti ko kasi feeling ko may mga kagat na ko.  pero wala akong mga pantal at nung binuksan ko yung side table lamp wala naman.  tsaka imposible yun, kasi paano magkakalamok sa 18th floor, aber?  saan sila manggagaling?  tsaka lagi namang malinis ang hawlalu namin.

schizophrenia is that you?

minsan din, akala ko may gumagapang na something sa binti ko, pero siguro  developing varicose veins lang yun. haha!

lekat na mga insekto yan. invisible?!!

blend.

———-

ang lakas ng ulan  at wala na naman akong ginagawa.

inaantok na ko.  kailangan kong maging creative asap!

kailangan kong mag-imbento ng task!!!  hahahahaha.

pagpapanggap.

blend.

———-

i’m trying to be positive.

mula ngayon, ang iisipin ko na lang ay puro positive.

sweldo na sa isang araw

maaga akong makakauwi pag hindi naglitanya si ginoong baba mamaya

may mga naipadala akong bagong applications kanina

may tatawag/mag-e-email na sa ‘king matino, panalo at bonggang-bonggang kumpanya bukas ng umaga. wee!  bonggang-bongga!!!

for the past few weeks, maraming nagsasabi sa ‘kin na subukang maniwala sa law of attraction.

law of attraction is they key daw.

tutal, nasisiraan na naman ata ako ng ulo (remember the first part of this entry), why not try it.

law of attraction is they key! wee!!! wee!!!

———-

ba’t ako positive, positive, positive?

dahil may nakita akong chameleon kaninang umaga!

wee!!!

it’s a sign

ang saya.

———-

at hindi malabo yun.

kasi, kinantahan ako ng chameleon kanina.  sabi niya, “pagmasdan mo lang ako.  tignan mo, tignan mo.  tignan mo kung paano ‘tong ginagawa ko, tignan mo!!!

blenddddd… blendddd… blenddd….

Just blend with the environment and you’ll survive.

blend.”

broken

let me tell you this— i can offer you nothing but the memory of my laughter.  i have nothing else to give, for i am broken.

i would need some mending, but like a second-hand car, you will barely notice the faults in my mechanisms.  perhaps, you’d only see my misgivings on, let’s say, a rainy day.

on a rainy day, my engine just won’t start, or while you have trouble seeing ahead, the wipers stop in the middle of the windshield.  and as the rain starts to pour, the airconditioning busts and you’d have to wipe the windows and windshield with chamoise.  worse, i’d overheat along the highway and you can do nothing, but say, “this is just great.”

i will never hold your attention for more than an hour.  i tend to be redundant, and talk of mundane day-to-day concerns.  my features are ordinary like that of a gadget obsolete.  i won’t even compare to a Sunny mp3 that you can easily buy with just a few hundred pesos.

i have the sophistication of your mother; that is, if she’s a barrio lass.  i’m trained to wake-up before dawn and cook you breakfast.  every morning, before you get in the banyo for a quick shower, you’d see me mincing garlic on the kitchen counter.  always, mincing garlic on the kitchen counter.  i make sure i’m done chopping onions before you get out of bed, just so you’d never have to see tears run down my cheeks.  i will, as much as i can, never let you see tears running down my cheeks.  i won’t even speak of shed tears.

Sunday afternoons, you’d catch a glimpse of me getting the laundry from the clothesline, and afterwards, watch as i gracefully fold the sheets.  i pile them neatly by my side, and you think that’s interesting.

but you see, i know that i can only be interesting that way for a few weeks.  after a while, you’d realise that everything i do is just routine.  you would no longer look forward to catching me mince garlic, fold sheets, and glide by the clothesline.  and, like your sophisticated barrio lass mother, whom you started to ignore after you survived the first day of school, i will be just another ghost in the house, or a discarded furniture in the living room, a trinket dusting in a corner of a cupboard.

whenever i’d try to hold you, you’d pull away.  i can only wonder if my hands have grown too coarse.

scary

some scary things that happened to me/i realised recently;

1. almost got struck by lightning yesterday.

i was waiting for BS 197 yesterday morning at the stop before Outram station (at about 920 am), when there was this flash of bright light that hit the pavement about 3 feet away from me.  then an ear-splitting BANG! my automatic response was to close my eyes (of course.  that’s what we call reflex. haha)  the thought that came to mind was, “tangina, sana walang sasakyang/taong dumaan.”

i anticipated hearing/seeing someone badly hurt upon opening my eyes.  thank God no one was on the literally God-damned spot. haha.

after a minute the girl at the other bench looked at me.  she didn’t say a word, but she obviously wanted to scream,”can you fucking believe that?!!”

2. about a month ago, i discovered that i’ve started to night grind.  sorry if i told you about this already, it’s just that i discovered just now that my left canine is somewhat not a canine anymore.  shit.

3. crying like a baby until you almost self-mutilate IS scary for a 28 year old.  don’t you think?  coz we’re too old to be emo, mehn. too old.

4. i am emo.

5. i am 28 years old.

it remains unchanged

The woman speaks, stops, then after what must have been a long speech by the person on the other end of the line says, “just remember, darling, it is pain that changes our lives.”

Mirabelle cannot fathom the meaning of this sentence, as she has been in pain her whole life, and yet it remains unchanged.

- Steve Martin

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